


Snow

by Axelsaywhat



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Gen, Hug Him Please, In Desperate Need of Noctis, Internal Monologue, Promptis-ish, Prompto Being Sad, Prompto needs a hug, Sad, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-03
Updated: 2017-09-03
Packaged: 2018-12-23 07:05:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11984694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Axelsaywhat/pseuds/Axelsaywhat
Summary: A short internal monologue of relatable thoughts that Prompto has when sitting in the snowstorm in that damp camp.





	Snow

**Author's Note:**

> There is a hint of Promptis, but I left it just up to interpretation. It is not meant to be a shipping thing, just a lonely self-doubting boy's mind wandering and wondering about his future.

_How was anyone ever going to understand how you feel..._

_This crippling feeling deep inside your heart that never seemed to leave you alone...the nagging sensation that when you turn your back, others were looking at you. Staring at you and wrinkling their nose or rolling their eyes. Was it your fault? Was this always something that people thought of you no matter how hard you tried to make things feel right._

_Those long yet beautiful days of being around them, never feeling more alive, just overcome with the sensation of belonging and being so happy to just be here in this moment...was that all a lie?_

_Would they care about me if I told them what I am?_

_I don’t think I could handle seeing what they would do once they heard. I am a disappointment to everyone around me, even my best friend. I know they seem to care, and act like they do, but why can’t I seem to believe it? Am I annoying? A burden? I’ve got to be._

_I never know how to act. I don’t know how to handle certain situations. I can’t always figure out what to say. I hide behind a smile, my stupid humor, my awkwardness like it’s a joke. Like I am the joke. Deep down I feel like I am screaming to be heard and understood. I want to connect. I want to feel alive. I want to be close to them all._

_Can they see through this stupid facade I put up?  
Can they ever accept me? Truly?_

_Or is this the time I leave for good?_

_Sitting here, alone, cold, I feel like there is no hope for me after all of this. Maybe I shouldn’t come back to them. This photo in my hands of us. They don’t know. How could they?_

_I am the enemy._

_I am not unique._

_I was never who I thought I was._

_How did this even happen to me? I want to be like everyone else, but maybe I deserve to be here. The snow is so pretty. I wish I could be here with them._

_I don’t want to be alone._

_But who am I kidding? They wouldn’t want to be around someone that could be a threat to everything. To the kingdom. To Insomnia._  
Are they worried about me? In a selfish way...I hope they are. I really really hope. I probably don’t have the right to be selfish nor the right to be thinking any of this at all, but deep down I just want to be...home; that warm fireplace after a long day of running around and fighting. Eating dinner with everyone and laughing over stuff things that we did. Teasing each other. Even just silently all looking up at the stars was heaven on earth to me. I hope no one saw me looking around at them. Their smiles were what made everything worthwhile. How could I ever replace those memories? I could never. I would rather die.   
But how could I ever return and expect them to think of me the same way? 

_How could they ever cherish those memories like I did once they have heard I am some sort of...soldier. A monster. A thing meant to be controlled. Meant to die like so many others before me._

_I am me._

_But aren’t they, too?_

_I can’t face them...but all I want is to see them again._

_Guys…_

_Where are you right now…_

_I miss you...so much…_

_Help me._

_Find me._

_Or maybe you shouldn’t._

_My throat hurts, my body aches…_

_How did everything turn out to be this way?_

_I didn’t want any of this._

_Please..._

_Why is it now that all my memories are coming back to me back from being a kid. Being alone was fine, or at least I thought it was. Pictures were the one thing that could show the truth to me. My camera could never lie to me. I didn’t care that other kids sometimes made fun of me, all I had was my pictures.  
But that was all before I met him. _

_You changed my life._

_You were so cool and everyone wanted to be your friend. You were all everyone ever talked about. I remember hearing the boys say how they wanted to be like you and the girls would giggle and write you love notes. I might as well have been all of them._

_Something about you made you someone who I wanted to make smile and laugh._

_I worked tirelessly those years to be someone you could maybe hang around._

_I ran every day, ate gross salads, did stupid workout routines...whatever it took._

_Then that day I saw you. Ha...I felt so nervous, thinking back when I finally “revealed” myself to you. I probably sound like a creep now. But you just smiled like you knew me the whole time. You watched me change. You noticed. When you told me that, I think I felt like a schoolgirl with a crush! Hahaha!_

_We got closer. It was wonderful. I don’t think I could have asked for a better friend._

_Now, I know, you deserve better._

_You all do._

_Sometimes I would lay awake at night, camping in Alstor Slough and all the other places we traveled to, thinking about how different I was, how much I seemed to get on your nerves, how much weaker I was then the rest of you. Of course, this was before I knew what I did now…_

_That seems now so trivial compared to what has happened...the train...being here in the facility...now sitting in this damp and cold cave._

_The fire doesn’t seem as warm as ours._

_Maybe it’s just me._

_Probably is._

_If I did go out on my own, not return to them...what would I do? Where would I go?_  
It isn’t like I have any...real family. Minus the guys, or at least in my eyes.   
I guess I would have to just make my own living.   
Maybe I can be a hunter!  
That would be kinda fun and cool right?  
… 

_Who am I kidding?_

_I can’t do it._

_I’d be a wanderer. What do they call it in video games and movies...hm...a vaga….vaga….vagabond! That! Yeah! Living life on my own and not answerin’ to no one! Being my own man!_

_But I need money._

_Shoot._

_I don’t wanna steal._

_I could maybe train on my own and get stronger. Maybe earn some money doing favors for others in the area?_  
Yeah.  
Maybe. 

_It’s a thought. Noted. Thanks, brain._

_Ok._

_…_

_..._

_You know...I really can’t imagine my life without you guys anymore.  
Am I ever going to be happy if I am not traveling in the car and laughing and doing stupid stuff with you all ever again? _

_Is it worth going back to be with you?_

_Noct._

_What do you think of me now...if you are thinking of me at all?_

_Ignis._

_Are you worried about me?_

_Gladio._

_Would you come here if you knew where I was knowing what I do now?_

_Or am I just stuck here forever in this snow storm by this fire that isn’t made by any of you? Eating this food that seems to have no flavor. Sitting here under a sky that doesn’t seem to have any stars...or are at least so much dimmer now._

_I don’t want to be alone._

_No._

_I don’t want to be alone._

_Please._

_But how can I ever come back?_

_Would you care still?_

_Would you smile?_

_Guys._

_Guys…_

_Do you need me after all?_


End file.
